When You Call My Name Out Loud

"Would you be the wind to blow me home?

Would you be a dream
On the wings of a poem?
And if we were walking through a crowd,
Well you know I'd be proud...
If you call my name out loud.


Do you suppose that I would come running..
Do you suppose I'd come at all?
I suppose I would."


I just love this Dispatch song. Lately I have been listening to a lot of very simple acoustic songs with the hope that it would inspire me to pick up my guitar again...


But that is an aside.


One very underestimated change I've dealt with since getting married is my name change. My whole life I have been Rebecca Marie Mahoney, (and literally that full name when I was in trouble, in other words--often). But those days are over. Thanks to the Social Security Card I received in the mail yesterday, I am now officially Rebecca Mahoney Tochman!! 


No hyphen, no combined last name. I dropped 'Marie' and now have a new middle name. 


That was a very hard day for me...at first. I absolutely LOVE 'Mahoney' because of all that it represents. It reminds me of our family of six (which has grown to eleven, and will continue to expand...), and the cross country road trips we went on. The many, many moves we braved together, our snow forts and family vacations to National Parks, the Caribbean and Europe. It reminds me of our petty sibling spats, and our car-pooling each other to school as we learned to drive.


But that was a different time. And just as my two lovely sisters-in-law entered our family (followed by my cute-as-can-be niece and nephew!!), and our family only got bigger and better, so now again, things must change. 


I have come to realize that I am still a Mahoney. I still have those childhood memories and I still have my loving and supportive family. But now it is new and improved. I have two sets of parents, five wonderful siblings, and one amazing husband. A name is not what binds us, it is the love, trust, encouragement, and faith we share that holds us together.


When Brian proposed to me, he offered me a new family, our family. We are apart of the Tochmans' and the Mahoneys', but we are also our own entity. And I am SO proud to be his wife, to have his name.  It is no loss at all, but only gain, and that is what I have realized as I have looked at my new name on my card.


I am so thankful for all of the support he and I have as we start our life together and I know that no matter what, our families will be there for us. 


So I am officially a Tochman. And so very proud of that fact.

I and Love and You

Three little words. Incomprehensible potency.

At our wedding, our pastor challenged us to say those words in the hardest of times. To love the other person as they become the worst version of themselves. He was not talking about an emotion.

He was talking about a decision. Love is a daily decision. A choice one makes to support the other person, to be patient and kind. To not be boastful or proud or envious. To not keep a record of wrongs, but to be truthful. To always protect. Always hope. Always trust. Always persevere.

It never fails.

I and Love and You are words that carry with them a promise. A promise to never leave, to never begrudge, to never give up.

I and Love and You are words that create a safe place. A place where you will be forgiven, where you will be comforted, where you will be cared for.

I and Love and You

Yes, they are potent words. A covenant between to people. A choice to withstand the hard times and move on. A choice to love.

The Higher Road

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.




                      Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine... Meditate. 
                                                    Live purely. Be quiet. Do your work with mastery.




                  Live truth instead of expressing it.




                                                                                 Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.




The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.


                                                                                                        Faith is a passionate intuition.


                                               You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.


                    

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy

How Sweet It Is

Exactly two weeks ago I was in pre-wedding prep. Sitting with my mom and my bridesmaids, sipping coffee and listening to the girly playlist (courtesy of Tylie---thank you so much!!), getting our hair and make up done. It is all a blur now. It is all over.


Except its not.


Planning a wedding was exciting and fun, stressful and overwhelming. Every detail was covered(thanks to my amazing mother), there was nothing left to chance. 
Then Brian got sick. Three days before the wedding my poor fiance came down with the stomach flu...in a bad way. We were unsure if he would even make it to the wedding and my heart just broke. I didn't care about the floral arrangements or the wine pour. I couldn't bring myself to care about the last minute details, and the more people that arrived in town, the more worried I became about my fiance, his health, and his ability to be there on July 2.
It was a perspective-check. What was truly important, and what was just fluff? I realized that all that really mattered were the people, the relationships. Brian, my parents and his, our families and friends. Those were, and are, what matters. The wedding, the beautiful details, were secondary to the people that were there.


Thankfully, he recovered in time to not only make it to the wedding, but to enjoy it!


And things got back on track. The preparations continued, the families all arrived and it was time to celebrate!


I remember gripping my Dad's arm as I walked down the aisle, seeing Brian (my incredibly handsome groom) for the very first time. Vowing my life and my love to my best friend. Hearing myself declared as his wife for the very first time. Our first dance to "Everything" by Michael Buble. The dance with my Dad that I have waited my whole life to have. I remember taking in all the details we had spent months planning--the hanging candles, the beautiful cake, the music selections, and the red roses everywhere.


It was a beautiful evening.
It was a perfect day.
It is over.


One of the moments that I will never forget is the moment my sweet cousin, Lisa, pulled me aside. She got married last summer (tomorrow is her one year anniversary!!), and she told me something I will never forget. She said that the wedding day is great, and so much fun, but it will not be the best day of my life. The best day of my life will be the day I get home from the honeymoon and realize that I have forever with my best friend. 


That day came for me.


And it was the best day. I was not wearing a beautiful white wedding dress. I was not surrounded by fragrant bouquets, photographers, family, friends and champagne.


But I was with my best friend. Holding his hand. Resting my head on his shoulder. Feeling safe, secure, content, and in love.


That was the best day. And it is only getting better.


How sweet it is to be loved by him. To have a future with him, to have forever and always. 


My wedding day was everything I could have ever imagined...but it was just the beginning.