Wishing and hoping and thinking and praying...

...Planning and dreaming and waiting....for what?

I find myself in a constant state of waiting. For a job, for my wedding, for the weekend, for a trip...sometimes, scarily enough, its seems as though I'm waiting for life.

Not anymore. Because life is happening right now. Right as I'm sitting here with my puppy, watching the news and sipping my coffee. What more could I ask for? I want to embrace it. Every moment.

I'm a dreamer, always have been, but I think sometimes my big dreams inhibit me from living in reality. I want to be present for my life as it is happening, that way when the moments I'm counting down to finally come, I can appreciate them for what they are, and for what it took to get to them.

"You never see the hard days in a photo album, but those are the ones that get you from one happy snapshot to the next."

Peter Pan Syndrome

I remember countless mornings throughout my childhood peeking up over the counter as my mom put on her makeup, begging her to put a dab of lipstick or blush on me.

I remember waving my brothers off to their first days of middle school, high school or college, wishing I was going too.

I remember endless arguments with my parents over curfew, just wishing I could decide my own.

I would always wish away those moments, days and years, thinking to myself that being an adult would be so much easier. I would only have to answer to myself, and I could do whatever I wanted.

Oh, how wrong I was!

I'm all grown up now, and life is just as hard and, in some respects, I have less decision-making power.

I have restrictions because of money and time, and every decision I make is followed by a hundred others based on that one. Life has only grown more complex and even though I do wear make up now (much to the dismay of my fiance), have graduated from middle school, high school, and college (wow! I'm old), and decide my own curfew (10pm most nights, thank you very much!), I find myself wishing back my childhood.

Simplicity has its advantages, and ignorance enables a blissful existence. I have enjoyed a life full of both of these, yet both of them are, year by year, falling away.
I am thankful for every new adventure life brings, but have learned not to wish away the stage I am in. I can never gain it back.

Peter Pan seemed to have the right idea, and I think I'll stick with him, and never grow up!

Just Another Day in Paradise

For me, I choose the mountains.

I spent this past weekend with my family in Breckenridge and enjoyed every minute of the mountain air and laughter with some of my favorite people.

Don't get me wrong, I could spend my life wasting away at the beach, soaking up the sun and salted air, listening to the seagulls' cry for food, and the lapping of the waves against the sandy shore....but there is just something the mountains.

I love the feeling of being so small against their majestic heights. I love the jagged peaks and the soft, rolling foothills. I love the brisk air and the pristine blue skies above. I love the fresh scent of the pines, and the cozy atmosphere of the little villages tucked in between the peaks.

When I look upon the vastness of the ocean, I feel a sense of desolation and intimidation at the depths that I can barely begin to comprehend. But when I look upon the mountains, I am overwhelmed with a feeling of excitement and adventure. My mind spins with the possibilities, summer and winter alike, of all that these mountains have in store for me. Adventures untold, and breathtaking vistas to discover. 

Yes, for me, I love the mountains and the constant reminder they hold for me. That life is bigger than my small world. That there are always adventures to be had, and that there is a God above who is a magnificent Artist.

Blue Like Jazz

"I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn't resolve. But I was outside the Bagdad Theater in Portland one night when I saw a man playing the saxophone. I stood there for fifteen minutes and he didn't open his eyes.
After that I liked jazz music.
Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way.
I used to not like God because God didn't resolve.
But that was before."

Donald Miller

Pay it Forward

                           You can't pay love back, you can only pay it forward.

Welcomed Home

I spent this weekend wining and dining at my favorite places in Dallas with some of my favorite people. My life seems slightly surreal at the moment, being back in the city I love with the people I love.

I'm overwhelmingly thankful.

I am unsure what tomorrow will hold, but today I thank God for the blessings in my life, and I'm enjoying each one....including the SNOW!

My days of Auld Lang Syne

I was reading the Wall Street Journal the other day, New Year's Day actually, and this article came up about old acquaintances being forgotten (as sung in this New Year's Anthem). 


http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703909904576052011797066654.html?KEYWORDS=auld+lang+syne


The article struck me for several reasons.


First, I thought, not in my case, because I just moved back to Dallas to where almost all of my dearest friends live....how could I forget them now?


My second thought was, life is constantly changing and moving forward, sometimes despite our wishes, and though I'm "home", home is not the same as when I left it.


Third, I considered all that I was leaving behind in the North...two amazing in-laws-to-be, newly found friends in Michigan and Ohio, two great bosses, and a great job.


Lastly, and as the article so astutely pointed out, it is nearly impossible to forget or lose touch in this day in age as Facebook, email, cell phones, and many other avenues or purposed to prevent just that scenario.


The question posed in this beautiful, albeit wistful anthem, is simple yet heartfelt:
Should those we knew and loved be forgotten and never thought of? Should old times past be forgotten? No, says the song, they shouldn't be. We'll remember those times and those people, we'll toast them now and always, we'll keep them close. "We'll take a cup of kindness yet."


In my case, in a new year, new home, old city with old friends, I'm "taking my cup of kindness", I'm pursuing these relationships, near and far, with genuine care and love, and I'm remembering the good times while looking forward to many more great ones to come.


Happy New Year to all of my family and friends!!


xoxo from Texas!