The Heart of Life

The family.  We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.  ~Erma Bombeck

The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family.  ~Thomas Jefferson

The informality of family life is a blessed condition that allows us to become our best while looking our worst.  ~Marge Kennedy

I love my family, and thank God for them everyday. 

No matter where I go, I can never forget where I've been, or who helped along every step of the way.

Bad Day Favorites

coffee, Froggie, black and white movies, candles, peanut butter, a long run, writing a note to someone I love, planning a trip somewhere exotic, taking a drive, string cheese, rock climbing, calling my mom, baking cookies, reading, having a good cry, praying, mint chocolate chip ice cream and, most of all, being with Brian.

Maybe my bad days are not so bad.

Mona Lisa Smile

Every woman tries to achieve mystery. To leave men wanting more, baffled at her thoughts and the reasons behind her every action and word.  Movies, magazines, and best friends coach us on how to become more tantalizing, to hold back more in order to gain more.

The Mona Lisa has done just this. She is transcendental, no one knows for certain what her beguiling smile reveals. For centuries, scholars have tried to unveil the secret, tried to answer the impossible question--what is she thinking, what does that illusive smile allude to? The paradox is, however, that this is a question that simply has no answer. With all of the other advances in our society, technologically and socially, this one question will remain unresolved.

I am no Mona Lisa. My eyes tell my story very clearly. I am open and honest and as much as I try at times, can not withhold my feelings from being written all over my face. My joy and frustration play upon my lips and my eyes and I am read like an open book. My fiance tells me daily that he knows exactly what I am thinking by just looking at me. He knows when I am mad, or excited, or annoyed, or overwhelmed. This, in itself, frustrates me as I often long to keep these feelings to myself. To maintain even a false sense of mystery or obscurity.

But even as I write these words, apart of me entirely disagrees. Haven't I always wanted someone to know me better than I know myself? To know how to comfort me, support me, love me, fight with me, and stand by me, through thick and thin? I am no Mona Lisa. It does not take a scholar to divulge the secret behind my smile, it only takes one man...my man.

And I really think that is what life is all about. Opening up, becoming vulnerable to love and relationships, both romantic and platonic. Revealing the mystery behind your smile to those you love, to those you trust to hold that secret and guard it, because they love you, too.

I am thankful to have a circle of friends and family that can read my eyes, and my lips, and they love me not only despite what they see, but because of what they see.

I am no Mona Lisa, but I am happy to be me-not mysterious, open and honest about love.... just me.

I'll Be Home for Christmas

The question is, where is that home?

As a child, life was blissfully black and white. Right was right and wrong was wrong. Gray was merely an unused crayon in the Crayola box. Home was not a state of mind, it was an actual place. The place (at least in my case) that was full of laughter and fun, petty fighting, delicious food, and most importantly loving, nurturing parents. Home was the place where I came to everyday. Where my mom listened to all of my problems and my sister was my constant companion, my best bud. My brothers were my protectors and my dad was my hero. Home was my house, filled with my family.

Unfortunately, it is no longer this way...I succumbed to adulthood somewhere along the way. Now, many years and many moves later, home is a much more intangible concept, a feeling as opposed to an address. I am not trying to say I'm homeless, just that my family and I have scattered across the country, and now, as many have said before me, home is where my heart is.


Like a multitude of other things in adulthood, home is a gray concept, not a particular location. Something to experience and appreciate fully, because it is much more fleeting.

I am getting married in July (woohoo!!) and about to embark on one of the greatest adventures in life--marriage. I will be creating my own home, and starting my own family, very tangibly. We will be melding our two homes together to create one, and I am very excited for this new chapter in life.

I can imagine our home will be full of laughter and fun, petty fighting, and lots of love, much like the homes we both grew up in....we are blessed to have those memories and examples to build our life upon.

All this said, I will be home for Christmas. In a very real way. Not to the house I grew up in, but to the people who know and love me best. And really, what is home if not the acceptance, love and warm embraces of dear family and friends.

I'll be home, home indeed.

My Father's Hand

I'm 22 years old....and by our society's standard (and my own) I am an adult.

I have a job, a home, a fiance, and a dog. I make big decisions (like moving across the country) and I make big mistakes (like misplacing my fiance's credit card!!....fixed. Don't worry!)

But make no mistake, I am still Daddy's little girl. I still adore being held by him, and confiding in him as I have done for so very long. And when I hold his hand, my world is right. Nothing is to big for my Dad and I to conquer together. He calls me Rocky because I am like him: determined, strong-willed, driven to succeed, and unwilling to let my circumstances overcome me.

He has taught me about love, life, integrity, and putting family first. He has modeled all of these values for me by the way he lives his own life. He has always supported me and he always will. He calls me everyday to tell me how much he loves me.

I'm 22 years old....but I miss him everyday. My first nickname from him was Teddy Bear, because all I wanted to do as a little girl was sit on his lap, hold his hand.

My Dad's hand is like his life: big and strong and weathered by a life of hard work. His confidence is seen in every move he makes. And his faith is displayed in every interaction he has.

My Dad is a great man, he's my man. And I am so thankful for him.

My Dad just celebrated his 51st birthday on November 27th, and I couldn't be more proud of the man he is: the son, the husband, the father, the grandfather, the friend, the employee, and the boss he is to everyone in his life.

I don't care how old I get, when I see my Dad, I will never stop reaching for his hand.

I love you, Daddy, always and forever.

Then You Stand

Its easy to be thankful when life is easy...when you don't need to make lemonade because life simply hands you a Long Island. When you are content with your job, your family and friends and, in my case, your passport stamps...which I never am :).


Its when things are going wrong, when you can't seem to catch a break, that being thankful is not only hard to do, but imperative.  Character is developed when you are stretched to your limit, when it takes courage to start each day, and when you know that just because you do, doesn't mean things will get better.


Epicurus once said, "You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity."


Finding the silver lining is what makes life worth living. A life without adversity, without hardships to overcome would be...boring. Maybe its just my personality, maybe I'm an anomaly....I wouldn't be surprised. But I find myself happier when I have to fight for it. When my relationships are real and honest and take courage to maintain. When my job is stressful and overwhelming and almost too much to handle. I am most thankful when I can lay my head down at night knowing I gave that day every ounce of strength and determination that I have in me. That I didn't let my day, my life, pass me by, but rather I grabbed on to it with both hands and squeezed as much out of it as I could. 


I never hope or pray for tough times, and often wish their speedy departure from my life, but I have learned to be content, no matter my circumstances. To give thanks not only despite them, but because of them.


Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand.


~ Rascal Flatts

College. Football.

Its love.

Fall days spent cheering for a sport that hundreds of thousands of Americans intensely follow, year after year. It does not matter if I am in the stadium with thousands of other people or at home on my couch by myself. There is something enrapturing about this sport to me. My earliest memories are of Monday Night Football with my dad and brothers. My best memories are tailgating at K-State games, boulevarding at SMU, singing the Texas Fight Song at the top of my lungs with my sister by my side, or watching a tremendous Michigan State comeback with my fiance.

I love sitting in a stadium shoulder to shoulder with complete strangers and knowing the only bond we share are the colors we wear, and the pride we hold in our hearts.

Their is something so pure about college football. Don't misunderstand, I love the NFL (GO PATS!), but in college, its not about money, its not about sponsorships as much as it is about the love of the game. They are out their to win for winnings sake. For their alma mater. For their colors. For their friends and girlfriends and parents.

College football unites old men who are crippled by a lifetime of hard work with young, ambitious men who are rearing to go at all the possibilities ahead.

No matter the political climate of the country, the economic state, or the unemployment statistics. For three hours on Saturday, there is only one thing that matters. The scoreboard.
It is a simple reality. A coping mechanism for those who are suffering under the weight of this wary world. It brings people together and creates a sense of identity. Even if only for a while.

College football is not magical, it just renews hope.
No matter what happened on the field last week, there is always this week to remedy it.
It brings back the vitality of youth.
These young boys get knocked down, over and over again....yet they continually pick themselves up.

Being a college football is simply, and utterly fun.

Puppy Love

Oh how I adore my puppy! He is so sweet and no matter what, always has a slobbery kiss waiting for me.

Their is something so endearing about the innocence and devotion of a dog, and as ridiculous as it may sound, I learn a lot from my sweet Froggie.

Froggie never worries, he just lets life float by, barely lifting his eyelids at the comings and goings of those around him.
Froggie never whines, he just patiently waits for me to see his point of view( and generally the only thing he has a point of view about is going outside to use the bathroom).
Froggie takes joy out of the simplest pleasures in life ( as I have written this, and countless emails in the last hour, his sole focus has been his yellow squeaky ball).
Froggie only knows love. He loves the people in the elevator, the construction workers outside the apt complex, and of course his mom and dad.

So maybe Froggie has the right idea. Maybe truly living is slowing down, enjoying the simplest of pleasures, and truly loving those around you. Not a bad sounding plan to me....and the first thing I'm going to enjoy is my little puppy.

Hold on, but let go...make plans, but learn to break them.

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist and directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test and don't ask why,
Its not a question but a lesson learned in time...
Its something unpredictable, but in the end its right...
I hope you have the time of your life.

So take the photographs, the still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time.
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial,
For what its worth it was worth all the while....
Its something unpredictable, but in the end its right.
I hope you have the time of your life.

A Cup of Christmas Cheer

On my way in to work this morning I saw a man crossing the street holding a Starbucks four-cup carrier.....best part? They were the Starbucks CHRISTMAS CUPS!!

It was a blustery morning but something about those cheerful red cups with snowflake decor made my day a little warmer from the inside out. I know its a little early to be thinking about Christmas...Thanksgiving has yet to come...but I do love this time of year. Everyone has an energetic bounce to their step, a coy smile of a Christmas shopper on their lips, and a warm-hearted greeting on their tongue.

Forget the big, overdone, materialistic Christmas messages of TV commercials. What I love? The five senses of the holiday season.

Smelling my mom's pumpkin bread and Christmas cookies hot out of the oven.
Tasting Christmas ale with my fiance, or catching snowflakes on my tongue.
Feeling the wind whip my cheeks to a bright, cheerful pink, or the big hugs of welcome and love I get and give at family gatherings.
Hearing the oh-so-familiar holiday tunes that bring back years of childhood memories made and laughter relived.
Touching the hearts of the needy through giving of myself, my time, and my money to those less fortunate.

Yes, I was excited to see the Christmas cups....and all that they bring.

Monday Morning Blues

There is no doubt about it. Monday morning blues are as inevitable as the alarm clock ringing in your ear. At least four conversations I had at work today started with "Well its Monday again..." and everyone seems to want to tack on three more days to the cruelly short weekend.

I once heard that the only sure things in life are death and taxes. Guess I can add Mondays to that list.

But at the same time, Mondays are a fresh start. A new week with no mistakes made yet. Another chance to better myself professionally...and more importantly personally. Mondays are a gift. Maybe they are just wrapped in unattractive packaging at times.

Nevertheless, time is of the essence and if I spend my whole week wishing for Friday, I will end up only enjoying 2 days a week. My life is too short for that. I've decided to "unwrap" Mondays with renewed energy and positivity....because, after all, its a long week ahead before it gets to be Monday again!

Something about sunshine...

It makes your day a little brighter,
Your step a little lighter,
and your heart sing a little louder.

I love the sun on crisp, cool mornings...
...and on hot, steamy afternoons.

Have you met?

Have you ever met someone who would stay up all night listening to you as you work through your problems? Or hold you when you need a good cry? Or laugh at you so you know its ok to laugh at yourself?

Have you ever met someone who would spend hours with you trying to find the perfect halloween costume, perfect first day of work outfit, or perfect wedding dress?

Have you ever met someone who would fly across the country on a moment's notice in order to be there for you? Someone who drops everything for you because there is nothing more important in this world than you?

Have you ever met someone who cares enough to tell you when you're wrong? Who believes in you more than you believe in yourself? Who loves you enough to stick with you through it all?

Have you ever met someone that will teach you, help you, cry with you, encourage you, support you, challenge you, pray for you, laugh with you, push you, catch you, trust you, celebrate with you, have faith in you, and love you with every last breath they have?

I have.

I love you, Mom.

The Food Network...aka My Saving Grace

I have insomnia...its true. I never have trouble falling asleep, just remaining that way. I'm a vivid dreamer and more often than not, I'm startled awake by a terrifying nightmare.

All this to say, I don't like late nights. And I don't like late night TV. There is nothing on. I'm not interested in buying some random bump-it or super mop off of an infomercial, and I am not interested in waaaay out-dated sitcoms with canned laughter.

Enter Food Network.

Its AWESOME! I love food, the eating of it, not the preparation. And since finding my way to this channel, I have been able to drift back to sleep, night after night, with thoughts of Giada's weekend getaways, or the three course challenge on Chopped running through my head.

Thank you, Food Network, for giving me sweet, salty, and sometimes spicy dreams.

xoxo, until tonight.

Sun-soaked season fades to gray...

I've been warned.

Cleveland winters are not the friendliest sort. They are harsh and cold and blustery and....gray. Many a native have cautioned me of this reality, and told me to leave before it strikes. Seriously.

But, obviously, this is where I live, and so I am absolutely determined to make the most of it.

The fall in the Great Lakes is spectacular. The trees are on fire -red, orange and yellow- and the sky is a pristine blue. When you step outside, you can't help but breath deeply of the fresh, crisp air, and close your eyes to let the heatless sun kiss your face. I love it. I love going to the park with my puppy, Froggie, and I love taking walks with my fiance, Brian. I love that everyone steps a little lighter as the joy of fall is soaked in and not taken for granted. It's beautiful.

But its fading...quickly. Cleveland has been known to get snow before Halloween, and that same snow will be clinging to the sidewalks in March. What?! In Dallas it may, on rare occasion, snow ONCE and last a whopping three hours....if lucky. Snowmen are a project for the talented and speedy, not the masses.

But, as with many other things, weather is different up North. So I choose to look on the bright side at all I have to enjoy in the coming months. More football, for starters. I can't get enough of my teams and the surprising twists and turns this season has taken. All I can say is, despite excellent or disappointing records...Go Stangs, Longhorns, Wildcats and Spartans!!!

The holiday season. My sweet aunt bought me a Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin candle(go get one!!!) for my apartment which I have already almost entirely exhausted. But I love it as it reminds me of the coming coziness of Thanksgiving and Christmas. Family and friends and food are awaiting as these two holidays approach.

Lastly, I intend to tackle the cloudy dreary months ahead not with blankets and sweatpants and movies, but with skis, snowboards, sleds and toboggans. I refuse to hole up in my apartment and have determined to get moving as a solution to my incessant feeling of being cold. Brian and I are planning trips to New York and Pennsylvania to teach me to snowboard, and we are also headed to Colorado to ski. We are going to go ice skating on the lake, and tobogganing in the park. We have thought about snow shooing and even cross country skiing. We will keep busy. And I am excited for the opportunity to have winter for the first time in many years.

So bring on the gray. Kiss the sun and warmth goodbye. I will see you in April, and by then I'm sure, appreciate light and heat all the more.

~Bec

My Not-So-Audrey Reality

This is not my day for firsts. This is not my first time starting a job(just began as a Marketing Assistant at Cleveland Magazine), this is not my first time starting a blog(I had one when I lived in Spain and briefly this summer), and this is not my first time catching myself wishing I lived in an Audrey Hepburn-ish reality.


The first two non-firsts are sure to be maintained...the last can hardly be remedied. I find myself watching her movies, reading her quotes, and emulating her style and I can't help but think that her life was graceful, elegant, and refined. A very glamourous, yet unrealistic expectation for my own. And while I have complete admiration for his as an individual, an icon, and an actress, my own life is much more colorful. Nearly everyday is filled with misadventures and silly mistakes ranging from simple trips, to hair-dying catastrophes.


But I couldn't be happier! I love the unexpected twists and turns my daily life takes, and I love that I can laugh at them, and more importantly, myself!


Therefore, I bid an Audrey-like existence farewell in lieu of my own. Crazy. Beautiful. Wonderful. Horrible. Exciting. Me.


I live by her words of wisdom: I believe in pink, I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles. 


For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.


But more importantly, by these: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.  When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

~Bec